Wardrobe

Villager: Lur

You know, I hate writing profiles. I hate talking about myself, too. I don’t find myself to be a very interesting creature, and I don’t understand why anyone would want to know about me. But, I digress. What is it you’d like to know?

I guess, for starters, a name. That would be “Lur”, which comes from the word “Allure”. Allure, because that’s part of my existence. Next, I guess you’re probably wondering what I am. We - Axia and I - call ourselves “starkindred”, as we have connections to the stars as you can no doubt see by the stars on our chests. We are a form of alien life, and we see ourselves as avian-like due to our feathers, wings, beaks, claws, vocalizations, etc. I don’t believe in giving out my specific whereabouts as I don’t know you, but if you need something to put in that field, simply “Canadian” will do since that’s where I presently reside and hold citizenship. Don’t make assumptions about me based on that, please. You can clearly see by looking at me that I’m not human, so don’t attach your human labels or constructs to me. I label myself when it’s necessary to do so, and the only labels I choose to wear are Agender or Gendervoid, Schediaphile, Demisexual, and Biromantic. I also do not abide by your “coding” system, where you seem to think that behaviors and traits are “x coded” with regard to things like race or culture. It’s weird, and I don’t like people trying to assign these sorts of aspects to me. Again, I’m not human, so I don’t fit your system of labels, microlabels, ethnic coding, etc.

I like to present in a “masculine” fashion and my personal preference for pronouns is he/him/his. However, I don’t believe in labeling things as masculine or feminine so my thoughts, moods, and behavior can sometimes come across as “feminine” as well which is usually Axia’s influence. You may refer to her as feminine, using she/her/hers pronouns for her, but I do not accept those pronouns for myself. I also do not vibe with neutral pronouns like they/them or it/its for myself either, but I have no qualms using those for others if that is their preference.

This is a bit of a side tangent, but one that is rather important. During the very early years of my existence, I was physically, mentally, emotionally, and intimately abused by my biological mother. The scars of these experiences run deep, and even with visits to therapy and professional psychiatry, I was not able to fully get over what happened to me. The household I was moved to wasn’t intimately abusive, but it was abusive in other ways and continues to be as such and I was not made aware of that fact until I was much, much older. Unfortunately, this has left me with very extreme trust issues and an aversion to topics surrounding intimacy, and I tend to lean towards interests that are considered to be more “juvenile” by human standards. It’s also a big part in why I’m a schediaphile and self-shipper. You can think what you want about it, but keep your thoughts to yourself. You don’t know the shit I went through or the shit I’m still going through, and the way I live my life as a self-shipper has been deemed acceptable by mental and medical health professionals. The judgments of random strangers on the internet, who don’t know jack shit about me, mean very little.

In terms of hobbies and interests, I enjoy writing and drawing, listening to music, watching Youtube, and playing games like Minecraft and Roblox. I also enjoy collecting merchandise of my 2D spouse, collecting general plushies, and other trinkets that catch my eye. My interests are always changing as I get into new things, so I won’t list everything I’m into because that would be too much to have to continually update. Instead, the persevering interests that have remained prominent in my life for a decade or more are Five Nights at Freddy’s and Pokemon. I am also an unapologetic Among Us enjoyer because the space beans make me unreasonably happy. I also am a long-time fan of the Hermitcraft SMP.

I am unemployed due to mental and physical health issues stemming from mistreatment in past jobs, so most of my days are spent running errands with my family or engaging in my hobbies. I suffer daily from chronic pain due to spinal scoliosis and compressed nerves, and the medications I take to alleviate the pain often make me fatigued and sleepy. Additionally, I have other professionally diagnosed mental illnesses that affect my ability to interact with people, the way I perceive and interpret things, or the way I’m generally feeling about myself or anything else. Mental burnout happens very easily for me during extended socialization or time spent with others, and when I hit that point, I need to step back and isolate to recharge. Because of this, it can take time for me to reply, or I may rely on Mir or Eclipse to reply in my stead. Please, be kind to them. They’re good people and they mean a lot to me, and if you upset them, I’m not going to be happy with you.

Fun fact: I kin something now. Good luck figuring out what it is.



Personality…? I'm always bad at describing my own personality because how I see myself, and how I think I'm behaving, isn't always how others see it. But, I guess, if I had to pick a term to describe the kind of personality I hate, it would be "fantasy prone." Come on, let's be honest with each other. This shouldn't be surprising to anyone given my lifestyle as a self-shipper. It's one thing to have cute little daydreams about kissing your favorite blorbo and drawing ship art or writing fiction about it. It takes another type of mindset and imagination to treat that relationship as a real thing, and to treat one's fictional other like a real entity. So, yes. I engage with fiction enough to label myself as a "fantasy-prone personality" kind of alien, but despite this, I believe that I still have a firm grip on reality. I also believe that I am fully capable of demonstrating that, and have done so on many occasions.

For me, fiction isn't so much of an escape as it's just an enhancement of my reality. I like to play with the idea of letting fiction and reality blend and overlap. I realize that, from an outside perspective, this probably leads to weird thoughts or ideas about myself and my morals, and it can make my mindset and behavior seem odd, maybe even cringe-worthy to some people and make them not want to interact. I'm okay with that. I believe in respecting differences of opinion and being kind to others, even if they wish the worst of me and even if I don't necessarily agree with what they stand for. However, if you're one of the people who aren't capable of that, or refuse to be kind to others over differences of opinion, I'd rather you not interact with me anyway so I'm okay with not having you in my life.

I have little time and energy for people who waste time trying to play morality/content police, or who wish harm on others that they perceive - or project - are wishing harm on them. Labels aren't all there is to a person, and frankly, labels do more harm than anything else in a lot of cases because people will see a label and write the person off completely without ever knowing what the person believes or stands for, or giving them a chance. It's shallow, it's closed-minded, it's extremely judgmental, and it's just plain stupid. If me saying that bothers you, or you feel personally attacked, go ahead and block me. I don't need that kind of toxicity in my life, so you're doing us both a favor.

I guess I can also be a bit secretive at times, if not straight up deceptive at others. Tying into the aforementioned trust issues, I've learned to hide who I am at my core and put up a facade to lead people into thinking I'm something other than what I am. This is a defense mechanism, since the times I've let my walls down have resulted in me being badly hurt by people I cared about, and who I thought cared about me in return. As such, I find it much easier to lie to others about myself, and if I feel like something is heading south, I will do what I need to do in order to end that connection on my own terms. …Even if it means having to tell very harsh, cruel lies and twisting or breaking the other person's trust in me forever… When I say I lied about something, sometimes it's true. Other times, the only lie is me saying I lied. You'll never know which one's the truth, for better or for worse.

It's a defense mechanism for me, and I know it's a very detrimental one, but it is what it is. Thanks to the way people have treated me through a lot of my life, I've learned to become very independent and self-reliant, and it's much more comfortable for me these days to keep people at a distance. I no longer care about making friends, although I do cherish the friends I currently have, and people have come and gone so often in my life that I'm used to it.

These days, I've stopped caring about the opinions of strangers on the internet, because even if I was on my utmost best behavior and never did a single thing wrong, someone out there would still make up total bullcrap about me and spread it around for no reason other than simply, because they can, and because they don't like it. It's stupid, but that's what people are like nowadays. Social media is rife with people straight up making shit up about people they hate, trying to ruin their reputations or chase them off the internet, and for some reason people have accepted that telling others to self-harm is acceptable and even justified/encouraged when it's against a person or a group that they personally dislike. It's insane, and it's disgusting, and it's one of the reasons I don't engage with social media anymore. It feels like nobody knows how to use the block button anymore, they'd rather sit there and spread heinous shit about users they don't like, and even without proof some dipshit out there will still believe them because surely nobody would tell LIES on the internet, right?

Whoops, getting off topic. Pardon me.

Even though I stopped caring what others think of me, and even though I'm finally willing to stop hiding my true self, the lying has become a very hard habit to break so I don't blame people for being skeptical or not trusting me. Hell, I barely even trust myself so I have no right to expect other people to.



In terms of relationships, I value quality over quantity. When you get to be my age, you stop caring about peer pressure and fitting in, and you learn to be selective about who you keep in your personal friend circle. People are often really quick to label me as a friend, but I'm afraid I don't always feel the same way. It makes me uncomfortable when someone I. barely know refers to me as a friend, because often time it feels superficial. I've had at least two artists start calling me a "close friend" out of nowhere, simply because I was a repeat client, and I really don't vibe with that. Especially since it only lasted as long as I was a paying client; the minute I hit financial hardship and couldn't buy from them so frequently anymore, I was no longer their "close friend" or even their "friend" at all.

The people I call friends are people I've known for at least 5+ years. We may not talk daily, share common interests in some cases, and in some cases we might even have differing opinions and viewpoints, but we're all adults who know how to respect our differences, and different beliefs or opinions don't stand in the way of us looking out for each other or checking in when someone's feeling down. It's cool to find people you vibe with, but your friends don't need to mirror you 100%. In fact, it's probably healthier when they don't because then you're not locked in an echo chamber or a hive mind. I don't find this to be beneficial to your growth as a person, but that's me.

Due to my trust issues, and people being just generally scummy to me in the past, I'm extremely wary of people approaching me and expressing interest in friendship. For better or for worse, I'm not an easy person to befriend and people often have to try long and hard to win my trust. Most people don't last long enough, and I'm okay with that. I'm not looking to make friends anymore so it really doesn't matter to me if an acquaintance becomes a friend or not.

People come and go, that's just how life works. It's not the end of the world.